


Starry Eyed

by AnotherAnonymousAuthor



Series: The Life and Times of Maria and Natasha Hill [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers
Genre: F/F, M/M, blackhill - Freeform, married with kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-05 03:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 4,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1803259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherAnonymousAuthor/pseuds/AnotherAnonymousAuthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You feel helpless. It took a lot to get Noah in the first place so you refuse to give up on him. You realise no one else in your family with either...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You haven’t slept in three days.

Neither has your wife.

You’ve paced the length of the Tower with a continuous steady pace reading from a tablet in your hands; occasionally with your son in your arms as he sleeps.

You know what you have to do; you’ve been prepared ever since you and your wife and your son were threatened by Red Room.

You haven’t eaten either; you feel helpless but you learn everything you can about Ward and subsequently every member of Coulson’s team, trying to get into his mind.

You’ve been waiting for three days for a word from Ward; he wants something and the only reason he’s taken one of your children is to use him as a bargaining chip, you’re sure.

Skye hasn’t left her laptop in hours; Jemma begged her to get some sleep but the furthest that got was hacking in bed.

Jemma feels guilty; she has a spot in the med bay set up for an examination when he comes home to make sure he okay.

Clint had taken it out on a punching bag; it took Cap four of them.

Stark and Banner were looking as well; trying to modify that tracer they used to find the Tesseract.

None of them can find him.

You’re Natasha Hill; first and foremost you are a mother and a wife and it took a lot to get Noah in the first place so you refuse to give up on him.

You realise that no one else in your family will either.

You haven’t slept for three days, waiting for the call.

At dawn on the fourth day, it comes.

He wants to trade.

Skye for Noah.


	2. Chapter 2

You don’t hesitate.

You’re standing in the middle of the communal lounge; the phone you are holding is on loud speaker and there is an audible gasp from several people behind you.

You’ve said yes before you can even say no; you have a plan.

You think.

The only ones not gasping are your wife and your best friend; you know they trust you to do what is necessary.

You tell them all to relax because you have a plan and stalk off; you mutter something about Theo crying.

Those two people follow you; you know he isn’t crying but instead sleeping because you put him down an hour ago and they both know it too.

She asks you what is going on; you can’t risk anything because you don’t know if he is watching.

Undetected, this HYDRA solider was able to get into Stark Tower _again_ ; you mutter something about Budapest and you see his eyes flicker.

He understands; your wife however still looks a little confused.

You ask her to remember that time Red Room threatened you and your family; she almost glares at you but understands what you're trying to say.

You hope.

You ask her to go with him; she hugs you and whispers in your ear that whatever you’re planning better work.

The moment they’re gone you’re met with your rookie and the new Deputy Director; one is looking betrayed and asking what the hell and the other is giving you the original and intimidating crossed arms with a disapproving glare.

You ask May if she trusts you; you’re looked at like you have two heads but she nods regardless.

You turn to your rookie and ask her the same; she puts an argument, disgruntled that you would toss her to the enemy so easily but agrees nonetheless.

You’re Natasha Hill; you smirk and tell May to go with it.

Your fist connects with Skye’s cheek.

She’s out cold.

You have your bargaining chip.


	3. Chapter 3

You’re sitting on your phone.

You’ve never been particularly patient; your wife usually jokes that Noah must get it from you and that’s why he was so early.

You’re waiting for two messages; one from Clint and one from Ward.

You get the latter first; when and where you are meeting him to trade.

You have half an hour.

You get the second minutes later; they are where they should be but your wife’s bouncing knee is driving him crazy.

You smirk at the image in your head; you scroll through the images on your phone for a little longer to pass the time.

May is in the driver’s seat; you tell her where and she turns the key and heads in the general direction of the meat packing district.

She’s been getting calls and messages all afternoon; her former team wants to know what’s going on.

Neither of you particularly get along; you put her in the hospital for two months after a bad mission.

You respect each other; you know she’s more so here to keep an eye on your prisoner.

Skye is still out cold; the only difference is that she is now handcuffed and lying on the floor of the van.

You’re Natasha Hill and you’re the Black Widow; that is something Grant Ward has failed to remember.

You check your weapon the moment the van stops; you tap the earwig you have in twice.

You get two taps in return.

You wake her up with a few gentle pats to her face; she’s going to have one hell of a bruise and a headache.

You drag her out of the van into the warehouse.

She fights you the whole way.

You remind her that she trusts you.


	4. Chapter 4

You don’t like to be kept waiting.

You have to keep warning her; you can’t hear anything coming on the dark and poor lit fifth floor of this building.

He’s late; you were instructed for six thirty on the dot and its now edging closer to quarter to seven.

You hear steps; you have to justify the bruised face of your rookie because even he knows that she wouldn’t go quietly.

You ask where your son is; you want to know why he wants her.

You’ve done this many times before; negotiation with enemies never goes any other way but in your favour.

You want to know who busted him out; he answers simply with a new employer who is interested in the oh-eight-four.

You tease him; is he sure it’s not just because of his little crush on the girl he can’t have?

She has a bloody nose; you’ve hit her in order to motivate him.

He falters; she is a weakness of his.

You have to buy time; you keep him going.

You haven’t gotten your signal yet.

You feel guilty; you backhand your prisoner and ask him again why.

He calls you weak; your position as a mother and a wife has made you soft.

You’re Natasha Hill; spy and assassin whose standards of espionage set the bar for training at SHIELD.

You tell him to produce your son as you flick the safety off.

He calls your bluff; you won’t do it.

You definitely won’t do it, but you can see the uncertainty flicker on everyone else’s faces.

You ask what it is that is going to stop you; he hasn’t produced your son yet.

He warns you that if you kill her; you and your family will be hunted by his employer.

You ask what is stopping you from shooting him; you’ll never see Noah again he challenges.

You actually laugh.

You hear Clint’s voice in your ear.

You’ve gotten your signal.


	5. Chapter 5

You apologise to your rookie.

For a moment, you can see what he is thinking; you’re giving her up because you want your son.

Instead you check her face and ask if she’s alright.

She glares at you in confusion; you lift her from her spot on the floor and pull the keys out from your pocket.

Your gun slips naturally into the back of your jeans.

Your hands slip into your pockets casually; you ask him how dumb her thinks you are.

You’re not giving up Skye.

He yells at you; he needs her and you’ll never see your son again.

You laugh at him again; you yell back for a name of his employer.

He has no idea what you’re doing; you’ve threatened to leave with Skye unless he gives you a name.

It’s Skye who asks about Noah; you turn around with a gentle smile and tell her not to worry because he is safe and with your wife.

The moment you say it, he panics; his phone is to his ear and he’s barking orders.

You’re Natasha Hill; you’re a mother and a wife whose career as a spy and assassin with SHIELD has created many enemies for you.

It’s because of this you put plans in place to protect your family.

You’ve known the entire time where he was; you were simply waiting for Ward to make the call.

You had a plan in place and you only trusted two people with it.

He calls you weak when you turn and help your rookie limp towards the service elevator; you know he’s baiting you and he says you won’t win in the end.

He’s dropped to his knees; it’s the look of man who knows he will die.

You tell him that the Black Widow always wins.


	6. Chapter 6

You smile from the doorway.

Your children are playing on a bed in the med bay; both are sitting up and none the wiser to any that anything has gone wrong.

You see you wife run a hand through Noah’s hair; Simmons had declared that he was completely healthy and utterly normal.

On the other hand, you had given Skye a concussion, a black eye and a busted lip; it felt like the entire initiative was in the med bay.

You're in trouble; you've broken what few protocols this initiative has managed to create.

You were waiting for someone to point the finger at you; Coulson looked ready to blow a fuse.

It doesn’t take long.

He yells at you in front of everyone and they all stop to watch; wondering aloud what you were thinking using a junior agent as bait, using your rookie as a punching bag to get information.

No one jumps to your aid after your wife tries to interrupt; there are only a few people to have ever see him lose his cool, calm and collected self.

You wait for him to finish before you start.

You explain; since Red Room threatened to do to Theo what they did to you, you’ve had trackers on both of them just in case and Noah had one the day he was born.

You hid micro tracers on the tags of all of their clothes.

You describe; you didn’t know if anyone was watching the Tower because Ward got in _twice_ so you set it up under their noses.

You couldn’t risk anything being leaked.

You clarify; you gave your wife and best friend enough information for them to get to Noah and wait for the right moment.

You agree; yes you used Skye as bait and you apologise sincerely, you were never going to seriously harm or kill her because you just needed him to get a little antsy.

You’re pretty sure May is never letting you near her again.

You challenge; you tell him that he would do the exact same thing if it meant everyone came home safe.

You’re Natasha Hill; you’re not ashamed of how you handled the situation because you got your son back, your rookie is okay and you learned a new piece of information.

There is a new threat coming.

That’s when Fitz speaks up so quietly in the awkward silence that it makes everyone jump; he’s not looking at the time bomb in front of him.

He’s looking at Pepper.

Her water has broken.

You’re off the hook for now as everyone focuses on her.


	7. Chapter 7

You’re in the doghouse.

You were off the hook for as long as it took to get Pepper to the car and to stop Stark from fainting; you remember the panic well.

Your best friend is in the doghouse too because he helped; that puts you on outs with him too.

As soon as you has gotten home, you were banished from your bedroom; your wife had taken over the bed with the boys close.

The guestroom or the couch is your bed for the night; you don’t sleep.

You’re cornered on the fire escape at 2 am; she shivers against your back and wraps arms around you to keep warm.

She’s angry at you; not because of the trackers but because you never told her about them.

You’re asked why; you had to know where they were.

You elaborate at the encouragement of a squeeze to your ribs; you and your wife can defend yourselves but your children are innocent and because of who you both are they are targets.

It’s a way you could think to protect them; not letting them out of your sight was your preferred idea but you knew it was impractical.

You can’t lose them if you know where they are; you lip shakes and your voice quivers.

You used to say love is for children and you used to think it was a weakness; you’ve learnt that it’s not for children and it most definitely isn’t a weakness even though you see it that way sometimes.

You have to protect the ones you love.

She turns you around and presses you into the barrier; she can just see the tear tracks.

You’re Natasha Hill and you almost beg for forgiveness; she kisses you quiet.

She leads you back inside and pushes you towards your side of the bed; she put the boys into their own rooms before she found you.

You’re still in the doghouse she mutters; she’s curling into your body and half asleep.

She tells you to shut your brain off and go to sleep.

You can’t.

You have to explain it to the others; you’re still in the doghouse.


	8. Chapter 8

You’re side tracked for the next day.

Every time you try to get near any of the junior agents they flee; your popularity has reached an all-time low.

You’re not allowed near Skye on Coulson’s orders; that doesn’t stop you because you know the Tower’s ventilation systems as well as Barton and sneak past May and Simmons.

You pull out a deck of cards; it’s what you’ve seen people do when someone is recovering.

You let her win; you can tell she suspects you but doesn’t say anything any way.

You lose four straight sets of ‘Go Fish’ when you speak up; you apologise for the green and blue colouring scattered across her eye and cheek.

She mutters something about it being fine; you had to do what needed to be done to get your family back.

And that it wasn’t like she fell into that category.

You correct her; you knew where Noah was the entire time but she was labelled specifically as a bargaining chip by Ward.

You had to know what he wanted with her; she is a part of someone’s plan and she’s become important to you so you can’t let that plan go ahead.

You’re Natasha Hill; your family is bigger than your wife and children and you tell her that.

You tell her that her family has gotten bigger too; you hope that she can forgive you and call off May and Simmons.

Her jaw drops; you freeze because she hugs you.

You apologise again; she tells you to shuffle the cards with a smile.

You’re out of that doghouse.

Until Simmons runs in yelling something about Pepper.


	9. Chapter 9

You’re all crammed into the private room.

The Avengers are playing pass the parcel with the Iron Baby; Amelia Maria Stark.

She’s tiny but bigger than Noah was; four times she’s cried out for attention when whoever was holding her wasn’t looking.

You see Barton get nervous; everyone was threatened that by Stark that if you broke her, no army or alien race could save you.

You mutter something your wife; definitely a Stark.

She chuckles and looks over your shoulder as you hold her; you’re sitting in your wife’s lap under the pretence of saving space.

You seem to be off the hook with everyone; Skye talked to Coulson and then he called you into his office.

He didn’t approve but you weren’t in trouble; you’ve always had a bigger heart than you let anyone see.

In your arms, the little girl yawns and grips your pinkie tightly.

You turn to your wife and tell her that you want one; she rebuts with a smile, a laugh and the fact that you already have two.

When you hand her to your wife, your eyebrow rises; you see her become instantly smitten.

You’re told to get the grin off your face; you might talk about it later.

You’re Natasha Hill; never in a million years would you have seen yourself as being married with kids and wanting more kids, and then you met your wife and it snowballed from there.

You welcome Tony Stark into the world of parenthood; his face drops and slightly pales when you say ‘late nights and no sleep’, ‘dirty nappies’ and ‘difficult to settle’.

Everyone is kicked out of the room the moment visiting hours end; you head home and find your rookie making out on the couch with her girlfriend.

They stutter through words about what they were doing; the boys are asleep for their afternoon nap.

You say thank you and let them leave; you’re pretty sure a human is not supposed to turn the shade of red Simmons cheeks did.

When you turn around, your wife’s shirt is missing and she’s biting her lip; maybe they had the right idea.

You pause and she asks you about practicing; you pin her to the couch.

You feel her smile into your lips.


	10. Chapter 10

You were not expecting this.

You’re running on the treadmill in the Stark Tower gym; it’s raining outside and you’ve been meaning to make yourself work hard for a few days now.

You see the occasional flash of lighting across the New York City skyline; you turn your music up and force your legs to keep going.

You’ve never been a runner but you’ve picked it up from your wife; somehow you manage to keep a pace for over an hour and you supposed this is a benefit of your mentality training from Red Room.

Once you hit the right mindset, it was easy to keep going with whatever task was set to you.

You just weren’t expecting this task; you slow your pace but keep jogging.

Coulson is standing directly in front of your treadmill.

You raise your eyebrows and he waits patiently; he is your boss technically but you have to prompt him like it’s your name on the office door upstairs.

You almost trip on your own feet; he asks you how you asked Maria to marry you, where and when, and if there was a grand gesture.

You tell him that Barton doesn’t need a grand gesture; he’s simply happy to have him back.

He asks you to humour him.

You catch your breath and keep jogging; you found her on the Helicarrier flight deck after New York, and asked her on the spot in front of everyone.

You’re sure you can remembering hearing Fury mutter something about it being fucking time, Stark whistling and the resounding thud Cap’s jaw hitting the table.

You refused to let her go until she was given leave.

Clint was hiding in his room; you had your fiancé and Coulson had just died.

You were married four days later at City Hall.

You can’t talk and run as easily as some; you jump down.

You’re Natasha Hill; you never expected your middle-aged boss, and your best friend’s boyfriend to be asking you advice about popping the question; you see nerves flicker across his face.

You wipe your face; you remind him that it’s only Clint and that he will say yes if asked.

He begins to walk out but back-tracks; he needs a ring.

You call him an idiot; you need to shower and then you’ll help him.


	11. Chapter 11

You’ve never been a reflective person.

You were trained from a young age for years on end; you were made to be the best of everything.

There’s nothing you can’t do; you can become whoever you want for the purpose of your role.

You realise that you’re different; its Noah’s first birthday and you’re blowing up balloons.

You’re not sure how to explain it, even to yourself; Natalia Romanova took orders and took lives; Natasha Romanoff tried to be good and wipe out the red; Natasha Hill has become human.

That’s not a bad thing you decide as you watch your family from the corner couch in the living room; the birthday boy plays with a balloon near you, your eldest is sitting on the couch reading a picture book, and your wife is calming making his cake.

You’re quite content with this ridiculously and utterly normal lifestyle of married with kids; you wouldn’t trade it.

If anyone asked you if you had any regrets you would no disagree; you had many things in your past that you wish didn’t exist.

But if it got you to where you are now, you would do it all again exactly the same.

Your wife calls you a sap.

You’re Natasha Hill and you agree; on the inside you’re as soft as a marshmallow but that makes your armour so much more stronger.

You would fight to the death for any of them because they are family; but you can’t actually die because your wife would kill you.

Your front door swings open with ease; your best friend is grinning all the way to his eyes, and practically bouncing off the walls wanting you to ‘guess what’.

You humour him; your pigeon is a teenage girl on the inside as he proudly tells you that he will soon be officially off the market.

You’ve realised it as he blows his candle out and flings cake in every direction; your time as the world’s most lethal assassin and spy is almost at the beginning of its end.

You’ve become human; you’ve found your place and your identity.

You have a family; you love them endlessly.

That’s not a bad thing.


	12. Chapter 12

You’re in full uniform.

Your rookie has been on a hacking marathon; she’s looking for whoever it is that is so interested in her.

You labelled it a side-mission unofficially; Coulson didn’t seem bothered by it and put it down to Ward’s crush.

She can’t find anything.

At all.

That leaves you both confused; you have to push that aside because the quinjet is descending to your latest mission.

You check your pistols and throw yourself into the mess that is a scientist with too much power trying to recreate the super soldier serum _again_ ; you’re a little too close to your past and you don’t like it.

You come home having managed to keep your head down; you have some bruises and scrapes, nothing that you can’t cover up.

You’re ready for bed but you and your wife have an appointment at the clinic; you bundle up to face the winter weather outside.

You actually fall asleep on her shoulder while waiting for the doctor; you only closed your eyes for a minute but the fingers at the bottom of your hairline simply put you to sleep.

You apologise to the doctor; you focus on holding her hand through the small wince of pain on your wife’s face and try to keep up with his small talk.

She squeezes your hand at the uncomfortable pain; you smile and wink reassuringly and tell her you love her.

The two of you had talked about having another child; there wasn’t much conversation once you answered her question that you still wanted another.

You wanted three; she mutters something against your lips about liking that idea.

You’re Natasha Hill and your wife gives you everything she can; you’ve watched her go through this twice before and you see her giving you a third child.

Over a late breakfast you vow to spend the rest of your life giving her everything you can; she’s given you the world.

You have to wait a few weeks to find out if it works; you plan to wake her up with a kiss each morning and breakfast in bed on your days off.

Except a lot can happen in a few weeks.

You try not to think about it.


	13. Chapter 13

You’re deflated.

You were sparring with Clint; he gave you a concussion.

You were house bound; you weren’t complaining because it was the weekend and your wife was home.

The boys have been fed and dressed; your wife has been in the shower for a long time.

You seek her out.

When you find her, she’s leaning against the vanity with her head down; your hands find her waist but she refuses to look up.

It’s been three weeks; she tells you that she got her period this morning.

The egg didn’t take; she apologises with tears in her eyes because she knows how badly you wanted a third child.

You see the guilt written on her face; you wrap your arms around her and tell her that it’s okay, it’s not her fault.

You had both been so excited at the prospect of one more; some things aren’t meant to be, you tell her as you wipe her tears, but it’s okay.

You stand on the landing and look down at the boys; you have two healthy and happy children which is more that you ever thought you would get.

You’re Natasha Hill and you can tell that she’s going to feel guilty for a while no matter how much you tell her that she’s not at fault; timidly it is suggested that you try again.

You heart is breaking; you agree reluctantly on the condition that you wait a little while because you don’t want her to feel guilty and be disappointed if it doesn’t take again.

You don’t think that she could take losing two so closely together; she nods quietly and apologises again.

It will work out, you promise her; she’s unsure but takes your word for it.

You don’t think you could take it either; it’s your turn to be the strong one.

The day is spent on the couch, your wife under your arm and the boys in front of you; she is unusually quiet.

You do everything you can to make her smile, laugh, giggle; anything except the sadness you see in her eyes.

The day is spent whispering to her that it’s okay; that it will be okay and that you love her.

The day is spent watching your children play.

The day is spent silently grieving and ignoring the overwhelming sense of guilt.

You’re both allowed that at least.


End file.
